In the spring I administer oral exams to the graduate students I supervise. The two-hour exam often takes on the form of a conversation as I probe further into students’ responses to questions that require evidence of their understanding of both theory and practice in their teaching. My favorite question this year asked students to reflect on the importance of teaching empathy.

As educators we now know that empathy can help reduce the damaging effects of repeated stress in children which suggests that empathy has tremendous implications for achievement, both socially and intellectually. Furthermore, empathy promotes positive social relationships, helps mediate aggression, and allows us to relate to others, all of which make empathy an important emotion among children. The question asked my students to specifically cite ways they put that theory into practice. As I listened to their responses I reflected on the recent examples of empathy in my own life.

For my husband’s birthday this year I gave him the gift of offering to do one of his annual dreaded family chores. At the end of ski season he spends a day driving up and back to Tahoe, a 6+ hour round trip, to clean out the cabin, pack up, and organize months of stuff, ski equipment and winter clothes. Instead, this year I gave him the day off to spend at home and play golf while I went, worked the entire day and then drove the 180-miles home. It was exhausting. For years I viewed this job as one of his responsibilities, and since when it comes to household/family chores I carry the load, showed minimal appreciation for it. Simply putting myself in his shoes increased my gratitude and was an important reminder how much he does for us (with little need for recognition or complaint).

At my son Charlie’s graduation, three 8th graders are invited to deliver speeches. I was impressed with all of them but none as much as the speech delivered entirely in Spanish by Charlie’s friend Sydney. My Spanish is rusty, to put it kindly, but my comprehension has always been better than my spoken and I was able to understand most of her speech, which brought me to tears. Sydney’s closest friend at school is Mexican-American and had mentioned she was sad and worried her parents would likely not understand most of the graduation as they don't speak English. Knowing this inspired Sydney to not only to deliver her speech in Spanish, but to write it about the isolation and exclusion she feels when her mom and grandmother speak exclusively in Korean with one another. She thought if she could make the 600+ people in the audience feel, if just for the duration of her speech, what her friend’s parents (and the handful of other non-English speakers at our school) must feel all the time we might begin to understand the experience of all immigrants who don’t feel included because of a language barrier. It was an incredibly powerful example of the power and importance of empathy.

As I write this, I am sitting in a somewhat dilapidated 17th century villa in Verona, Italy, recovering from jetlag. It is the first time we’ve taken the kids to Europe and the first time they've traveled extensively outside the country. Last night at an outdoor café eating pizza margarita Charlie said to me, I don’t know what I expect of this trip. I replied to him with my thoughts on the reasons we travel. It is less about the kids having fun, (travel can be grueling) than it is about instilling a love of travel, a sense of wonder, and learning history and culture. But ultimately, I realized it is another way to develop empathy. Until we step into the shoes, or country or culture of others we cannot fully understand what that life is like. Books can take you places, and I will always argue an excellent substitute, but if one has the ability to see and experience first hand the lives of others, one should. (In an interview with Alt-J the lead singer was asked why the band chose to record 30 classic guitars play simultaneously rather than create the same effect digitally. He replied, “Because if you can do something right and well, you ought to.” I love that sentiment. And it is exactly how I feel about travel: If you can, you ought to.

Empathy has the ability to be transformative, and when put into practice incites compassion, expands horizons, builds community and in some cases, a better marriage.