Today marks what would have been the 75th birthday of my dad. I woke up this morning feeling entitled to a day of wallowing and self-pity but the Saturday morning bustle in my house, a thoughtful message from a friend, and this perfect spring weather made me think twice about having a lousy day. In fact, I decided the best way to honor my father today is to live it well.

I’m still working to understand the complex nature of my relationship with my dad, as he was particularly hard on me. The truth is he was flawed, which was disappointing to realize and difficult to forgive because I held him up high for so long. But as it turns out, recognizing him as human and imperfect has helped illuminate my journey of knowing myself. He was a really good father: I never questioned his love, but he made lots of mistakes both as a person and as a parent, one of which was not letting me see his flaws, or at least copping to them, because he thought it would discredit his authority over me. My strong tendency toward self-criticism is the result of that. Kids need to recognize their parents as the imperfect people that we are, so that they can learn to accept their own flaws as part of their whole human package.

I’m beginning to think that accepting my father and all his mistakes might be one of the keys to accepting myself. And when I think of things that I loved most about him, I feel lucky I inherited some of those traits.

He loved to party.

He never ordered dessert for himself, just a spoon.

He was always game, and mightily capable.

He had a great sense of style and a love of beauty.

He was his happiest in nature and always took his naps outside.

He was a people person.

And, above all, he lived by the simple credo that life was short, and in his case, it was, so you better get after it.

Well, that’s it for now, got to go for a hike with Charlie and then head to Oakland for BBQ & beer before seeing The National at the Greek. Yee-haw!

Happy 75th Birthday, Dad.