I have a dear friend who regularly sends me nuggets - quotes, articles, podcasts - to inspire blog ideas. This morning she sent me the link to a blog in the Huffington Post written by a woman in her 40s:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-mendell/this-is-45the-eye-of-life_b_4648004.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

It resonated because lately I’ve been feeling a little middle aged, not in a bad way, but more that I am noticing subtle differences in myself. For one thing, I’m discovering more and more that I care less and less about what others think of me. So far, my forties has been a period of tuning inward and finding out what I want instead of what others might want from me. By the way, it’s hard work trying to sort those apart, and perhaps not a coincidence that my dad died just weeks before my 40th birthday - without parents to “please” there’s no one else to listen to beside myself.

And lately, I’ve been telling the truth (“sweeping my side of the street” they call it in AA) when my feelings are hurt without worrying about the outcome because I’ve decided it’s always better to be honest than carry resentment or anger. Telling the truth takes courage, but authenticity should be at the heart of true relationships, and at 43, I don’t really want any other kind.

However, my greatest realization occurred just recently. As hard as I try, I still grapple with judgment. In some ways it’s the flip side of having a broad perspective and deep relationships. I feel compelled to help the people I care about live happier lives. Giving advice is my specialty! The other day I was telling my therapist about a friend I thought was making a potentially bad life decision and wondered what I should do about it. So she told me this story: One day she was with her mentor and lamenting about a friend she was very worried about, just as I was. Her mentor said to her, “Ok, I am about to tell you the most important thing I have ever told you. It’s so important you should write it down.” So my therapist got out her notebook and a pen and looked up to her mentor. She said, “Are you ready? Here it is, it’s four words: you don’t know shit.” It was so simple that for the first time it really hit me. I don’t. Forty three years in and am finally beginning to understand that I have NO idea what path another person should take. Or whether or not the mistake they are about to make isn’t a mistake they are supposed to make to learn something about them self or set them on another course. And God knows I am making mistakes. Big ones. But they are a part of my journey, and just maybe all of my mistakes have led me to this moment of realization that at least for now, I don’t know shit.