It’s that time of year when the daily amount of mail at our house more than triples. Normally, I can’t wait for the clink of our brass mail slot - it sends me excitedly to the front door to retrieve a new stack of holiday cards. (As a person completely fascinated by human behavior, I love how holiday cards can be a mini-psychological study – a reflection of one’s core values in just one photo card! There are so many choices, each one telling us a little more about the sender: card stock, card design, an accompanying bragging letter, single photo or multiple shots -usually of children excelling in sports, and then of course, the printed holiday message.) But this year, I am beginning to resent holiday cards, they’re feeling like unsolicited pressure to be happy.

JOY! BE MERRY! HAPPY EVERYTHING!

Really? Happy everything?

If these cards are really about spreading the spirit of the holidays and connecting with the people in our lives, they ought to be more authentic and honest. I’d love to get a card that says “This has been a shit bag year for us, but we’ve also had some beautiful moments and we’re grateful for them.” Brene Brown, researcher on vulnerability and shame says compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity. Implicit in these cards is the illusion that our lives are perfect or that we ought to be happy. It’s simply the wrong message, especially this time of year, when people tend to feel more isolated and lonely. ( I happen to miss my parents more than usual, and in the spirit of giving and noticing people with less, feel deeply sad for the neediest in our society.) The true meaning of Christmas is about fostering compassion for each other, and recognizing that we’re connected through the commonality of our suffering and joy. I wish holiday cards could relay that message.

Next year, maybe ours will say HAPPY SOMETIMES!